This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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