Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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