omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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