Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
