i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
