I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
