did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
