So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
