its not stalking. its research.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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