i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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