hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
