Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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