i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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