I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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