Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
