hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
