I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
