it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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