C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
