Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bring me that man meat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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