I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
