well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
