I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
