standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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