I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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