I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Less talking, more tequila
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
