READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
