I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
