hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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