Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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