well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
