How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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