does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
