I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
