Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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