she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
