I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
