O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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