You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
