I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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