Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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