would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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