idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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