party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
there's paper in my vomit.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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