I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Boobs are out for the taking
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
