I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
