Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
