it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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