I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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