sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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