Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
