It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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