oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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