Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
